Elayne Boosler Quotes (11+)

I don't mind getting older; it's the alternative that's the problem.

The secret to a long life is to keep breathing.

I'm not saying I'm old, but my first car was a chariot.

Stand-up comedy is the only job where you get paid to talk to yourself.

I love dogs because they don't judge you based on your credit score.

The only thing I'm allergic to is people who are full of themselves.

I think people who are famous for being famous are just taking up space.

If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a 'son-of-a-bitch'.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”