Quotes

Stand-up comedy is the only job where you get paid to talk to yourself.

I love dogs because they don't judge you based on your credit score.

The only thing I'm allergic to is people who are full of themselves.

I think people who are famous for being famous are just taking up space.

If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a 'son-of-a-bitch'.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one.

The goal of education is to teach us how to think, not what to think.

Honesty is the foundation of all good writing.

Great literature transcends time and place.

The legacy of a writer is the impact they leave on their readers.

A good book is a conversation with a great mind.