Erma Bombeck Quotes (12+)

The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of 'overtime'.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.