Status in English

“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”

“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.”

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”

“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.”

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.”

“A committee takes hours to put into minutes what can be done in seconds.”

“Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind.”

“Formula for success: under promise and over deliver.”

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.”